Rand Paul Bottle
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It wasn’t enough for Ron Paul to dedicate his life to defending American liberty. The old bean went beyond the call of duty by giving us Dr. Rand Paul as well.
It’s oddly fitting that an ophthalmologist would help our country stay focused on what actually matters. As a libertarian conservative senator, Dr. Paul has fought for limiting the powers of one of the most vile things ever to exist: the American government.
Dr. Paul is an advocate for low taxes, which is good because we like our money and don’t want the government to have it. He is for reduced government spending, which has made him rather unpopular among Americans who passionately believe that forever wars, domestic spying and the Pentagon’s $22 million lobster tail budget are the only things separating us from … honestly, we don’t know what the hell they believe. We don’t subject ourselves to mainstream propaganda. Just like his dear old dad, Dr. Paul is a fierce opponent of the Federal Reserve’s vice-like grip on our country’s money supply and interest rates. Dr. Paul actually wants – get this – a free market! He’s also one of very few politicians with the stones to admit that he can’t understand why anyone would need three bathrooms. We need more men like that in office.
You may have arrived at this webpage with mixed or ambivalent feelings about Dr. Paul. Now that you’ve read all that stuff we wrote, you’re no doubt his biggest supporter. Prove it by ordering this piece of high-quality merchandise. Declare your (completely platonic) love for Dr. Paul to the world!