We remember a simpler time: when “cryptocurrency” only referred to the money you’d hide from your dad so he couldn’t spend it on Black Velvet, and if you heard your dad start playing his Roy Rogers records you knew to spend that night at the park. But now we have Curve, Convex, Tomb, Abracadabra and more. Better times!

The Cryptocurrency Collection

“Cryptocurrency is a scam. I only invest in companies with products I understand, like yacht furniture, racehorse oats and spatterdash starch. Anyone who owns crypto is subhuman. Those people don’t deserve wealth, let alone high-quality merchandise.” – Bertram Blandings Twistleton-Rangerover III

We showed them. They rigged the system, so we built our own system – one where you don’t have to own a sneaker factory in Malaysia or be the direct heir of someone who rode a lifeboat away from the RMS Titanic in order to be rich. Making it nowadays only takes a laptop, a WiFi connection, a little judicious management of ones and zeroes, and insane amounts of coffee because we have services like Curve, Convex, Tomb and Abracadabra for all our DeFi needs.

There’s always disdain for the nouveau riche. Imagine the horror which must creep over some old money blueblood when they realize that a single drawing of an impassive primate is worth more than all of their Bentleys combined. That’s not the world they wanted to leave behind for their maids’ children who all look suspiciously like them but no one ever points it out.

But the hell with them. You’re on top now – or, at least, you will be soon as soon as the 18 liquidity pools you’re staked in start producing. You’ve got impressive hoards of Shiba Inu, Dogecoin, Garlicoin, Rofloptercoin, Leakspincoin, Meatspincoin and Goatsecoin, and your finger is hovering over your mouse in anticipation of the next great investment opportunity that someone might have invented as a joke but you will take dead seriously.

What do you do with all that money? You can’t swim around in a giant bin filled with it, because crypto is immaterial. But do you know what isn’t immaterial? Things. And conveniently enough, those are exactly what we’re selling here!