Soldier of the Plandemic Hoodie

  • $34.95
    Unit price per 
Shipping calculated at checkout.


Classic fit 

50% Cotton; 50% Polyester 

Printed in the USA 

Runs true to size

 Length, inWidth, inSleeve length from CB, in
S27.1720.0833
M27.9622.0534.02
L29.1424.0235
XL29.9325.9935.99
2XL31.112837.01
3XL31.8929.9338
4XL33.0831.8939.02
5XL33.8633.8640

The alarm begins to blare at 0345 sharp, as it has every day for the past 13 years. I rise out of bed, but not too quickly so as to avoid hitting my head on the roof of the HabiCube™. It is the deluxe model I was awarded use of for reaching Amazon.gov’s Productivi™ goal during the historically profitable 2039 second quarterly Non-Denominational Gift-Giving Holiday™.

 

I listen to The News™ while I brush my teeth over the AmaZink™. An Anti-Vaxxer plot to assassinate Democratically Elected Dictator for Life Anthony Fauci was foiled just in time thanks to the valiant efforts of the TSA AntiTerrorDiv. The 826 terrorists connected to the conspiracy are scheduled to be publicly executed tomorrow. The weather forecast calls for light smog with a chance of hot acid rain, which would have been boiling had unofficial use of engines not been outlawed several years ago.

 

At 0359 I step outside of my HabiCube™ to begin my 0400 shift at Amazon.gov. But before I can get to my post at WageCage-309, the IdentiChip™ in my wrist begins to vibrate and glow. A TSA AntiCOVIDDiv agent steps forward to inform me that I have tested positive for COVID Variant ΘϜΨ and require immediate vaccination, followed by additional perpetual vaccination.

 

This will be my 38th perpetual vaccination program. I believe 37 is perfectly reasonable, but 38 seems excessive. Although I try to conceal my annoyance, the TSA AntiCOVIDDiv agent detects hesitation in my compliance. “We have an Anti-Vaxxer on floor 96, HabiCube™ sector 7P,” his voice crackles. “Requesting reinforcements.”

 

I feel a sharp pain in my temple, followed by the cold steel of the floor on my cheek. Before the world fades away into blackness, I hear the PubliTeleScreen™ system begin to play The News™. “Only two more centuries to flatten the curve. Do your part. Stay safe. We will beat COVID-Ꝏ together...”

Details

Classic fit 

50% Cotton; 50% Polyester 

Printed in the USA 

Runs true to size

Fit

 Length, inWidth, inSleeve length from CB, in
S27.1720.0833
M27.9622.0534.02
L29.1424.0235
XL29.9325.9935.99
2XL31.112837.01
3XL31.8929.9338
4XL33.0831.8939.02
5XL33.8633.8640