Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat
Tucker Carlson Hat

Tucker Carlson Hat

  • $24.95
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My name is Mx. Felicia Freeman-Hadid-Blutarsky. I’m a professor of women’s studies at Barnard College, and my pronouns are indecipherable without the aid of a Turing machine. I’ve recently published a new book titled Men: Worse Than Hitler?, which presents a rational argument in favor of grinding all men into a fine paste that will be used to lubricate the wheels on plus-sized POCs’ Rascal™ mobility scooters. 
 
I’ve been promoting my book on all the mainstream news outlets: NPR, PBS, The Village Voice, People's World, and Trader Joe’s Fearless Flyer. I was apprehensive about appearing on Fox News, which I understand is run by people who are too racist to join the Ku Klux Klan, but felt reassured when I saw a photo of the … man … who would interview me. He wears a bow tie just like Louis Farrakhan, so I figured he couldn’t be that bad.
 
I thought the interview was going great. But halfway through explaining why NASA should build a rocket ship large enough to contain all men and then shoot it into the sun, that man asked me a question I had never heard before: “Why?” He then made this inscrutable expression – eyebrows lowered, mouth slightly agape – and for the first time in my life I questioned my beliefs. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced – even worse than when I attended the premiere of An Inconvenient Truth while I was tripping on mushrooms.
 
I’m here to tell you not to buy Tucker Carlson merchandise. If you do, then so help me Goddess, I will get so triggered that you will never hear the end of it.