Anyone Can Become President Bottle
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“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
When George Carlin said this, he didn’t mean that quite literally anyone can become president. It’s just not possible to do without over a billion dollars in campaign funds and the entire deep state to carry you – or, alternatively, popular support when the deep state doesn’t expect you to win.
It is heartening, however, to imagine that even you could one day become POTUS. In addition to the aforementioned money and deep state support, all you would need are a good set of dental veneers, someone to help you erase your extensive criminal record, and a blue or red tie depending on which types of promises you intend to break. Imagine it: being the hero of much less than half the country’s population, leading the way toward the steady and inevitable decline of this once great nation while pardoning Thanksgiving turkeys and ordering drone strikes against all the people who were mean to you during high school.
And don’t overlook how empowering the prospect of potential presidency is to America’s youth. Somewhere out there right now is a braindead Generation Zer, wiping the chip crumbs from their Nintendo Switch screen as they hope they will one day become the most powerful person in the world just after every member of the Bilderberg Group.
All proceeds raised from the sales of this fine merchandise will go to The Burning Platform, whose journalists will use that money to buy things they like.