Bitcoin Symbol Hat

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There’s still a lot of indignation surrounding Bitcoin. Some people simply cannot accept that a currency can exist unless it is regularly manipulated and devalued by the Federal Reserve and the U.S. government. They hate that other people have gotten rich from doing something they won’t – scratch that – can’t understand.

It does make you wonder how many boomers would trash talk BTC if they had all bought it back while Obama was in office. They’d probably clam up if they could finally afford to fill their backyard pools with Geritol.

We bought Bitcoin back when Jimmy Carter was in office, and now we’re so rich that Baron David René James de Rothschild has to take our phone calls even when we’re drunk and just feel like quoting lines from old episodes of The Simpsons. #blessed

You’re on our website, so you’re probably smart like us too. You always knew how to make money on the internet. You started out by offering strangers to be their girlfriend on RuneScape and then selling all the rare items they gifted you. You finished off by acquiring enough magical pieces of code to buy anything you want.

And here is something you definitely want: merchandise that evinces your affinity for the second best cryptocurrency – just next to Calzonecoin, which you bought for five cents a pop back in 2014 and is certain to blow up any minute now.