Do you love stealing – by force, when necessary? Do you lack the spine and motivation to steal for your own benefit? Would you like to devote your career to stealing on behalf of the largest and least fiscally responsible entity that has ever blackened the face of the earth? Then have we ever got great news for you: the Internal Revenue Service is now hiring!
That’s right! The IRS is currently looking for fiercely half-intelligent and morally ambiguous pencil pushers who are eager to pursue a career in legalized theft. Take satisfaction knowing that egregiously wasteful government spending couldn’t exist without your efforts. Work extra hard and politicians will have even more taxpayer money to kick back to the corporations and foreign governments that got them into office. Take pride in plunging Americans into financial destitution. All that plus 30 minutes of paid lunch every day. Wowzers!
What’s that? You don’t like the IRS? You want us to be … defunded? That’s okay! We have already traced your IP address and are currently inventing several creative new ways to audit you. That coffee ring your accountant left on your W-2 back in 1998? Grounds for incarceration at ADX Florence, if we’re not mistaken! We’ll give you just enough time to order something from Libertas Bella before we send the SWAT team.