Don’t Eat On Me Hoodie
Haitians do eat cats. I know from personal experience from my years living in the country and in the Haitian community. That's not a bad thing. All culture [sic] eat unique things, and what Americans eat every day us [sic] FAR more disgusting. The "do they or don't they" is a complete distraction. The real issue is the problems Haiti is facing every day and no one seems to care.
First Mittens. Then Luna. And then Shadow, Tiger, and Simba. The circumstances surrounding the disappearances of beloved pet cats throughout the greater Springfield, Ohio area were murky at best. No socially acceptable explanation existed, and so the great cataclysm continued.
It wasn’t long until the mice took notice of their newly catless surroundings. They started small: pilfering beans and granola bars from pantries during daylight hours, and leaving doots in homeowners’ butter dishes.
But once mice realized they were really and truly free from feline oppression, their boldness grew exponentially. They began breaking into parked vehicles, robbing banks, and sticking chewed gum to the undersides of park benches.
Ohioans didn’t take action until it was too late. Seemingly overnight, they found themselves living in hopeless, cheeseless neighborhoods. They prayed to God each night that they would one day hear meowing again. But the meowing … never came.
Don’t let this happen to your community! Order your official Ben Garrison “Dont Eat On Me” merchandise (spelled without an apostrophe, just like the Gadsden flag’s immortal message), and spread your support for cats’ continued existence!
