Free Men Don’t Ask Permission Sticker

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The world is full of people who want to control you, and you begin encountering them the moment you are born. Your own mother’s intentions for controlling you were pure, as most children think nothing of doing things that can kill them horribly. Then you meet schoolteachers, who violate your rights by forcing you to learn math against your will. Next come cops, those delightful agents of civil forfeiture and speeding tickets.

But worst of all the authoritarians are politicians. These stimulant-addled crooks, who claim to love servitude when their actual aims are money and power, ruthlessly attack American citizens’ Second Amendment rights. They’ll say they want to ban “fully automatic assault rifles with extended clips” for your own good, but we know what really drives them: eliminating any means of resisting their oozing, methodical creep toward totalitarianism.

So what do we advise? Conducting clever DIY projects using old wire coat hangers? Building a steel forge in your backyard so you can make your own rifles? Calling up Viktor Bout to ask if he can deliver a freighter full of Belarusian military surplus AK-47s to your house? Absolutely not. Our attorney gets all pouty whenever we recommend illegal activities to our customers. He still doesn’t trust us after we shared our recipe for bathtub Semtex on Facebook.

However unconstitutional a law might be, we don’t want you going to prison where we can’t send you T-shirts. That’s why we recommend expressing your contempt for Washington gun-grabbers by ordering any instance (or ideally multiple instances) of our Free Men Don’t Ask Permission merchandise.