Libertarian Sticker

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“Write the most engaging product description you have ever written!” This was the Libertas Bella project manager’s instruction for yours truly: a classically trained product description writer, who may or may not already have been drinking when he received such a momentous request. Whoever you are – and no matter your politics – prepare to experience a level of engagement you have not previously familiarized yourself with.

Ahem.

Mankind has formed social contracts since the dawn of time. “Make sure a mastodon doesn’t impale me with one of its tusks while I’m sleeping” was a reasonable request back when tusk-related injuries were common. “Join the army and help thwart King Xerxes’ plan to turn every Hellene into lawn fertilizer” was also a sensible demand if you happened to be both a Hellene and mulchable.

All of this is to say that libertarian beliefs do not categorically oppose every social contract. When requests are reasonable and voluntary, they don’t violate libertarian philosophy. What truly rankles a libertarian is when their government starts dropping ultimatums such as “Fork over one-third of your income every year or else we’ll put you in a cage,” or “Forfeit your only means of defending yourself against our armed thugs or else we’ll put you in a cage.”

So what can a self-respecting libertarian do? To many, being libertarian goes hand in hand with joining the Libertarian Party. This is a satisfying approach, as you get to affix a libertarian porcupine sticker to the bumper of your Lamborghini Countach and make virtually zero impact during election years.

Other libertarians take things one step further. They move to the untamed wilderness – or even New Hampshire – and live where libertarian free will cannot be shackled. Sure, digging wells and fighting off packs of starved coyotes does occupy time you could have spent studying The Wealth of Nations, but it sure beats being lorded over by sadistic bureaucrats who hate you.

But the best libertarians – and we truly do mean the cream of the free-thinking crop – take the most extreme approach to expressing their beliefs available to them. We’re talking about ordering libertarian apparel online, of course. True devotees of freedom and liberty proudly wear libertarian shirts (including libertarian T-shirts) everywhere they go. It is a civilized method of erecting an enormous middle finger to the powers that be, and also a great way of keeping the libertarian shirt industry (which includes the libertarian T shirt industry) alive and well.

What will result from all these valiant efforts? Will we halt humanity's apparently undeterrable slog toward serfdom? Or will we merely volunteer ourselves as targets of ridicule for elites, their media lapdogs, and their brainwashed thralls? Only time can tell. But take heart, good libertarian: you’ll only know true defeat once you voluntarily surrender your God-given rights – and abstain from ordering high-quality libertarian merchandise from Libertas Bella. May that day never come!