The Betsy Ross Phone Case
Tell a history professor that Betsy Ross designed the iconic flag named after her in 1776, and they will probably bristle. “No records show that the Continental Congress held a committee to design a national flag in 1776,” they might retort. “In fact, the Flag Resolution of June 1777 was the first recorded Congressional discussion about creating a national flag. Betsy Ross’s contributions to the early American flag’s design are exaggerated at best!”
But we know what’s really going on. In all likelihood that professor just hates women, and they can’t stand that one contributed so much to the greatest country ever founded. As a patriotic American it is your solemn duty to get that wicked professor exiled from the country, and possibly even banned from Twitter.
Why do we love the Betsy Ross flag so much? It is not because we have something against Missouri, and seethe whenever we see its star on the modern American flag. No, we love the Betsy Ross flag because those 13 stars represent America in her absolute infancy. By all contemporary standards the colonies were little more than some irrelevant backwater during the 18th century, yet they wouldn’t tolerate tyranny all the same. Our forefathers spanked England so hard that they’re still grousing about it over their tea and crumpets.
What exactly is a crumpet, you might ask? Doesn’t matter. And you have Betsy Ross and her pals to thank for that.