The It's A Big Club Long Sleeve

I’m with her, #metoo, doesn’t matter who – vote blue, drinking soy, and buying my boy gender neutral toys. I’m pro-choice, I watch The Voice, I have a blue checkmark and a RedTube account. I’m against kids in cages, have beaten all the Super Mario stages, and when Bernie once again asks for my financial support I just ask “In what amount?” I wear the mask, I’m triple vaxxed, I’m opening borders and hiring foreign workers. I think libertarians are fascist and property crimes are racist, I’m healthy at any size and have my eyes on the prize. And Snopes will debunk any alt-right punk who might have thunk differently.

And you know what? I’m still never going to be part of “the club.” Turns out the people calling the shots don’t need me to cheer them on. They’ve got the power, they’ve got the money, they’ve got the connections, and having little old me on their side’s just the icing on the cake.

But hey – I can still take some pride in rooting for the winning side. Maybe they’ll return the favor and let me work at one of their corporations once all the small businesses have been eradicated from the nation. It’s the least the club can do for their most outspoken supporter. That said, may I please take your order?