The TSA: Thousands Standing Around Tote Bag
There used to be a time when boarding a plane was a big occasion. Men would wear the starchiest celluloid shirt collars Gimbels had to offer, and ladies would polish their shoes so shiny that they could double as emergency signal mirrors in the event of a crash. Both would dignifiedly chain-smoke until their plane arrived at a city which didn’t look like it had been carpet bombed the night before.
Dignity gradually fell out of style. Today people dress for air travel like they’re checking into hospice at a third world nation, with crusty pajama bottoms and ridiculous crescent-shaped pillows wrapped around their necks. But can we really blame them? All the romance of air travel has been bled dry by the double-digit IQ gendarmerie known as the TSA.
These midwits are supposedly stationed at airports to prevent terrorist attacks. But they have yet to prevent even one terrorist attack, so why are they really there? To familiarize you with the horrific police state that’s going to spread like mold throughout every facet of private life within the coming few years, of course.
We were hesitant to offer our TSA Are Pigs line of merchandise at first. It’s rude to actual pigs, who, if we are not mistaken, supply us sausage, ham and bacon. But we hate those package groping, nail file confiscating, luggage stealing bureaucrats so much that we decided to do it anyway.