John Galt Bottle
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Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. – Ayn Rand
I first picked up a copy of Atlas Shrugged so I could destroy it at a book barbecue hosted by my local chapter of the Starbucks barista union. I wound up hanging onto it because I love video games and wanted to post a photo of the cover to r/bioshock. (I had 8.7 million karma at the time.)
I had always been told that the book is long-winded and boring by my liberal arts college professors. (They should know.) But I was already hooked after reading the first sentence: “Who is John Galt?” Perhaps this “John Galt” character would prove central to the plot later on. I resolved to find out.
But strange things started happening to me as I followed Dagny Taggart around on her adventures. I began to doubt whether the government bureaucrats’ efforts to throttle innovation and industry were really for the public good. Could such dull and dishonest people truly only be looking out for their own interests? I kept reading. I needed answers.
After I had finished what felt like 3,000 pages of John Galt’s legendary monologue, I saw everything clearly for the first time in my life. I quit my job at Starbucks, deleted my Reddit account, and dropped out of liberal arts college. I developed a new line of NFTs themed around Objectivism, made $180 million in two days, and then used that money to fund my newly discovered purpose in life: sabotaging copper mines.
Thank you, Ayn Rand!